Gary Coleman wanted to be known as more than the dude that said, “whatchu talkkn’ bout, Willis” but that character was etched into his life and psyche until the very end. How many of us have heard the theme to “Different Strokes” today?
The Administrator at 15MinutesGosselinStyle wrote a wonderful post that explains some of the details of Gary’s lawsuit against his parents and the subsequent lawsuits that continued for years.
We all knew Gary was troubled. He recently married and admitted that he was still a virgin on his wedding night in his mid to late 30s. He had public battles with fans and even had a seazure on film, on the set of “the Insider” a few weeks ago. Luckily the esteemed and non-media-whore, Dr Drew was nearby (sarcasm).
Yesterday was Todd Bridges’ birthday. He played Willis. After the show ended he was arrested for various crimes and served time in jail. He’ll be on all the talk shows to discuss Gary. Anything for a buck.
Dana Plato was Kimberly on “Different Strokes.” She got pregnant but her character was a teenager so, I believe, she was fired from the show. She was arrested for robbing a dry cleaner (I think) and was eventually found dead in her trailer. Her young son recently committed suicide.
Brittney Murphy has been working since she was a child. I’ll admit, I LOVED her. I remember her on so many sitcoms and I adore the movie Uptown Girl. Her husband just killed himself.
“Boner” from Growing Pains killed himself earlier this year. Heath Ledger, Corey Haim, Michael Jackson.
Fame, infamy, and being in the public-eye has many casualties. This isn’t anything new. Judy Garland was also a child star and so was Anissa Jones (Buffy on “A Family Affair”).
When is enough ENOUGH?
We start out this week learning that Kelly has gone home. WHEW. It’s the morning after and everyone looks like they have been through a lot. Hair is still crazy. Bethenny grabbed a giant pink hat to wear to the breakfast table. Seems reasonable. They decide that the four of them all get along and it should be peaceful for the rest of the trip. Giggle. Did they think Bravo would let them off the hook like that?
Ramona, Bethenny, Sonja, and Alex all enjoy some manicures and pedicures. I am again so jealous of them all. It looks like the perfect vacation. Sunny skies, slight breeze, very nice. What could go wrong?
SERRRP- Priiiiiiize! It’s JILL here to SURPRISE them all. Obviously Bravo was behind this since Jill would have not know how to fly into St. Thomas, take the ferry to St. John, and find the palace. Getting to St. John is not an easy stop over, it took effort. It took cooperation from Bravo. Great set up.
Everyone looks shocked or angry or both. Bobby is with Jill and they both seem to think there ought to be a happy reception. What is up with Bobby? Is he completely unaware of his wife and the drama surrounding her?
Jill tells us in her private interview that they did not seem happy to see her. Great powers of observation.
Ramona tries to be honest and civil with her. She explains that there has a lot of drama. Jill tells us that she saw Kelly in the airport. Jill is honestly planning to pretend that she has not been talking to Kelly the whole time???
Alex is shook up. She is not herself. I think she misses the strength of Simon being by her side. I really think they are soul mates and need each other. She looks like a child who is lost in the shopping mall. She needs her man.
Ramona tries to talk to Jill…who is completely unwilling to see that this was not a good surprise. Ramona tries really hard and apologizes a number of times. Bobby has a small conversation with Bethenny and it’s super uncomfortable to witness that.
Jill sobs to Bobby that they are not nice. I feel slightly sorry for her. She is delusional. She thought she could talk to Bethenny there? Why not talk in NYC where you live a block apart? Why did you respond so horribly when Bethenny called you?
Finally the remaining guests are settled in for dinner and their hair looks better than it has it has in days. Sorry, I notice this stuff. Oh wait…a few scenes in and Alex’s hair is frizzing. Sorry.
Ramona chokes. Sonja wants to give her the Heimlich maneuver whether she needs it or not. The talk turns to penis size. Ummm…ok then. “It’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean” is Alex’s only comment. Sonja thinks that large ears mean a large penis. Bethenny tells us that she doesn’t want “dumbo with a large package.”
Alex announces that they are having a bridal shower for both Ramona and Bethenny. By bridal shower they mean sex fetish devices. Ramona seems out of her element with the kink factor. Sonja wonders how that is possible since ramona claims to happy after years of marriage. I guess you can’t have a happy marriage unless there is bondage? How long has Sonja been married? Oh, that’s right….she’s divorced. Maybe she is not the one to be handing our marriage advice?
For some reason they made wedding dresses out of toilet paper. This must be a tradition that I never heard of. I wonder if it was quilted?
Luann, Jill and Jen the party planner meet for lunch. Luann understands why Ramona threw Jill off the island. Kelly shows up. She is looking strange. Kelly tells us that she was shell-shocked after she left the island. Kelly is there to tell them that she hated how they talked badly about people and gossiped about people….kind of like she was doing now. She goes on to explain that she called Bethenny a “ho bag” and assured them that this is an accurate description of her. She goes on to attack the notion that Bethenny is a “cook” and says that she has never heard of her catering any parties for the people she knows. Each person at the table refuted this claim and she simply kept talking.
Her most shocking statement was to say that Bethenny admitted attacking her the press and she claimed that Bethenny said “I went out of my way to have a smear campaign against you.” KELLY- do you understand that this stuff is all filmed? Do you get that you are being proven a liar right now? Then she starts talking about her jelly beans. She tells us that she “had to go back in there to police them.” and Jill wonders if she was worried that they would get her jelly beans. That was a funny comment Jill. Wait till you see the finished episode; you will see how funny you comment really was.
Jill and Luann agreed that they were confused by this account of the weekend. Jen assures us that the truth is somewhere in the middle.
The housewives are now at a party. Alex begins to explain to Luann that she was surprised Kelly would say that anyone was mean to her. They all decide to go upstairs and talk it out. This is important, I guess. We need to hear Bethenny tell Luann what happened last week in St. John. We all saw it happen. Nothing she says even comes close to giving it justice. You can’t explain the crazy because no one would believe it. She should have told her “just wait for the episode.”
Luann shows her children the penthouse at the Thompson Hotel. I don’t know why we needed to see that. Did Thompson Hotel need a plug?
It’s now time for Jill’s holiday party. Jen is there. She is asking Jill is she wants to do a speech and what time does she want people to skate…..ok….I am an event planner. That conversation doesn’t happen as the event begins. It happens a weeks before, in the planning. Is Jen being paid for this?
Suddenly Jill is missing Bethenny. She wants to make up. She calls her and asks her to lunch. It’s one of the few conversations that did not happen on speaker phone. She agreed to meet her and we are all hopeful for this meeting. Who doesn’t like peace?
Jill came to her party all decked out in a skating outfit. She is planning to do a little performance.
Cutaway to Kelly saying that she has never heard Jill talk about anything sporty her life and she makes a funny face about the skating outfit. Does any of this fall under her “no gossip, no bad talk” rule?
Jill comes on to say that a lot of people don’t know that she used to be a skater….when she was NINE…so that explains why she is now in this outfit. She is about to put on a performance. Luanne is being fancy in her rented skates. Jill immediately fell on the ice. How long has it been since she was NINE? She begins to skate in circles and spin around followed by skating backwards. She then poses for pictures. I rewound the DVR a few times because I thought I missed the performance. Maybe it was edited out??
Ramona arrives and is immediately attacked by Kelly who seems to be unaware of what actually happened in St. John. Kelly feels Ramona did not defend her and have her back. She begins to say things that make no sense. She is certain that she doesn’t need any help. That makes one of us. Ramona eventually gets control and is able to say that she is sorry Kelly is upset. That appears to calm her. Can you imagine what her ex-husband went through with this nut job?
Jill tells us that she just wants peace and harmony. She wants to start over. She works really hard to listen to Ramona when she talks. I give her some credit for that. They hug and assure each other that things are ok.
All in all, this was mostly an overhyped episode that basically rehashed last weeks drama. I think I am relieved.
I went with high expectations and left wondering why that movie was even made.
A big part of the original series was the CITY which strangely, hardly made an appearance in this overly long, tedious flick.
Carrie was known for her risky style choices but in this movie it bordered on silly hit ridiculous a few times. Her full , long, poofy skirt and t-shirt combo for her visit to the spice market definitely made me raise an eyebrow. In her new role as a wife and she was sulky and unforgiving. How dare her husband suggest that they stay home? What kind of man wants to eat in his apartment? How dare he buy and install a TV so that they could watch romantic old movies. THE PIG!!
Carrie has moved on to home decorator, or so we are told, but the furniture looked uncomfortable and not all that cutting edge. Or was that just me? We get that they are not having children and frankly, that seems like a good idea. Far too much narcissism going on there.
The gay wedding scene was overdone and took advantage of stereotypes. What a cheap, easy way out. Nothing new or original.
Why couldn’t Carrie wait until she was home to reveal her stolen kiss? What man rewards his spoiled wife for kissing another man? If she got that big ring for a kiss I wonder what he would give her for doing the whole deal?
I could care less about Samantha’s “down under” and her references to her sex drive and menopause were overplayed. Her loud sex scene in the hotel was not authentic and added nothing.
Do these women own a pair of sweatpants? Even at the end of the movie, when Carrie finally realized it was ok to stay home and watch a movie, she was in a full gown.
Miranda was the only one who struck me as real. I did enjoy the scene with her getting Charlotte to admit she was struggling as a mom. She escapes any snarky responses from me. I was glad she quit her job and glad she had some fun.
Lastly, and the reason I was most offended, I don’t understand why this movie was set in the middle East. Are the writers aware that we are in the midst of TWO wars in middle Eastern countries? Isn’t that an ethical faux pax? I do not find it humorous to poke fun at another culture and faith. We, as Americans, claim to have such open minds but we can’t accept another culture just because it is different from ours? Are we only open-minded to those who strive to mimic us?
I loved the first movie. I wish they had stuck with the proven formula.
Teresa’s in labor. She is packing:
- Make up
- Designer pajamas
- Burberry tote bag
- Bored husband
You know, all the needed things. She is her classy self with her hair all fluffed and her face made up, while she tells her sister that she has diarrhea. Classy. Her going to the hospital wardrobe consists of platform heels, tight jeans and a strapless blouse. This is all so quaint….and bizarre.
After checking her email and dragging her husband out of the house she arrives at the hospital. In the waiting room her dumpy hubby jokes about having more children. Funny stuff.
Caroline’s son, Christopher, wants to own a car wash/strip club. I don’t see how these two things go together. The adults entertain his stupidity and pretend to take it seriously. I am tired of hearing about it. Mom and Dad will “invest” in his stupid idea and keep it running for a while. We all know that his future involves working at the Brownstone but we play along and pretend there are other options.
Danielle is eating out with her daughters. They are discussing Christine’s modeling career and how it might be disappointing. (Flashback to her puking on the runway) Christine stumbles over her line about the industry. Danielle seems like she have been informed that her daughter is not going to Paris and she won’t be getting the coat tail ride she hoped for. Both daughters struggled for the right thing to say. Mommy doesn’t look happy but she appears to have accepted that her daughter’s are not going to pull their weight. Damn it. She says something corny about family but it doesn’t match her expression.
Back at the hospital we see Teresa taking multiple phone calls. At one point she says she is 3 centimeters dilated. Why is she there? I am experienced at giving birth; at 3 cm I would be home watching TV or shopping in the mall. Did we need to know that she shaved her “chucky”? After a graphic shot of her getting an epidural, we are finally released……whew
Ashley is talking to her mom. They appear to be very uncomfortable in their conversation. I am sure the cameras are helping the strained relationship. Mom wants Ashley to see a life coach. The idea is not catching on. Ashley is trying to say the right things. She wants to go to community college. Mom wants to know FOR WHAT? Then she makes some condescending comment in her interview about how Ashley doesn’t have it all figured out. What is wrong with this woman? NO 18 year old has it figured out. You tell them to go to college and get general credits while they are working on figuring it out. I wonder if Jacqueline has a degree?
Now we are treated to a ridiculous and unnecessary strip club scene. Supposedly Christopher is doing “research” to determine if he wants to own a strip club. Chris is ogling the nekkid wimmins while his voice over is telling us that he has his mind on more important things. Ok then….
Back at the hospital we are treated to more of Teresa screaming and grunting and seeming surprised that it hurts. Her fourth child and she is still surprised. Thankfully we are only tortured with the sound and we don’t have to witness it.
Our first view is Teresa holding the swaddled baby. The child is minutes old and her mommy asked if she can “put, like, fru fru things on her?”…..wow. She is HARD CORE with this girly stuff. Hours of labor and THIS is what is her on her mind? I give her credit. After giving birth I just wanted to sleep.
Teresa: What should we name her?
Joe: I don’t care.
That is recorded for history. Nice work Joe.
Jacqueline and her hubby are having a drink. She shares her idea about the life coach meeting with Ashley. He laughs. He thinks she needs a beating. Dina pops in to say that she thinks she needs a wooden spoon. It seems that these kids were all beaten. A LOT. It’s all starting to make sense now.
Chris opens his safe to show his wife what he has in there. GUNS. She freaks for a half second and then begins playing with them. I think we hit on a weird side to her personality.
Danielle meets with her friend Kathy. Yes, she has a friend….or that is what the script says. We are now told that Christine is going to model in wedding shows. “Designer gowns” is what Danielle says. “The pay is good too.” Great, the modeling career is back on track. Snicker. (I work in wedding shows. ALL the gowns are “designer’ and the models get about $50 to $75 per show) Back to the show: For some reason we are now being told about a sick baby with cancer. Kathy says they are having a fundraiser to help with the expenses. They want Danielle to attend. I will go out on a ledge and guess that they are going with the Coney Island Freak Show theme for this fundraiser?
The men arrive to tell Danielle about the fundraiser. She starts the conversation by saying “Tell me what happened and then I want to hear how this came to be.” Yes, Danielle demands to know how this child got cancer. Interesting question. I will have to remember that next time I hear about someone with a terrible diagnoses: TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED. How did you get CANCER? TELL ME!!
The benefit is at the BROWNSTONE. Seems these two men are the only people on the East coast that don’t know Caroline hates Danielle? Do they WATCH the show? Nooo…this couldn’t be a set up situation hoping to create tension and drama and completely scripted by Bravo???….Noooo….this is REALITY Tv.
Dina called a meeting with Caroline and Jacqueline. This is the first time she has left her house all season? Caroline tells us that a meeting is serious. Topic: DANIELLE!! Of course. Dina wants to sit down with Danielle and tell her that she wants nothing to do with her. Some of us would just stop hanging out but Dina wants a big moment. Caroline thinks it’s a bad idea. Jacqueline thinks it’s a bad idea…..while she calls out all Danielle’s alias’…..tension…drama
Chris is going to run a car wash for the day. He brings in several girls in skimpy clothes. They begin to wave in cars and…at least for the camera….it’s working. The owner returns to say that it’s great. Caroline says no man on the planet thinks it’s a bad idea. Once more butt close up and thankfully, scene over.
Danielle is visiting two friends. Danny says they have a kindred spirit. Maybe it’s because they both have brown hair…and faces that look like they have partied a LOT…..and his hair is bad. They begin bashing the Manzo’s. Danny is going to escort her to the Brownstone. For some reason she feels better taking this rat with her. I don’t get it.
Dina visits with Teresa, in her leopard print, and the new baby, in her giant flower hat. Dina gushes about the baby. Teresa tells her that she is the Godmother. They both cry. It’s very sweet. You know they are not acting because neither of them CAN act. It was a touching scene.
We are treated to a rare moment when Caroline’s husband is at home. He came to tell her that Danielle is coming to a fundraiser at the Brownstone. Caroline is mad. She is ready to deal with her.
Bravo has done an excellent job with the set up. The music gets intense. Flash to a few scenes from next week. It gets weird here. We KNOW we are being set up…but I still want to know what will happen next week. And I will tune in.
No original recap this week. Please check out Allen’s recaps at HitFlix
What Allen’s Watching
We start with breakfast the morning after Kelly’s outrageous outbursts. Almost immediately she is back on Bethenny and calling her a COOK as though that were some kind of terrible insult. I wish ANYONE would call me a cook…I digress. Bethenny asks her what the difference is between a CHEF and a COOK. According to Kelly Chefs work in restaurants. “Just because you are catering people’s parties does not a chef make.” she tells us in her interview. Kelly then says she didn’t know and keeps talking really fast and saying things that don’t make sense. Bethenny tells her to own her comments and then assures her that everyone there is seeing that Kelly started it. I am on Team Bethenny so I was disappointed when she went that route….but Alex saved the day with a question from Simon via a text message regarding chocolate waffles.
At this route I am wondering how this episode will be. We started out at Mach4 and Bethenny is already crying. It has to get better than this. Right? Please?
The yacht pulls up in front of a huge palace that they will be staying in and they take small boats to get to the shore. They explore this place and seem to have forgotten the Ramona is supposed to have set this up. At this point there is no way that she did and only Bravo could have financed this amazing trip. I am a little jealous. Seriously.
Bethenny brought gifts for each guest; canvass bags with their initials on them packed full of goodies. I thought it was sweet. Kelly finds hers and immediately begins to complain. “It was so impersonal…” ummm…Kelly, your INITIALS are on the bag. She collapses on the bed and begins to sob. There is nothing else to do but to call JILL. Yes, JILL. She talks about nightmares where Bethenny was stabbing her and says Kelly tied to “literally claw your eyes out” and says doesn’t have double D fake tits. (but she does have a boob job so why mention that?) She breaks down crying and says it’s so gross.
Jill says she likes her so much and doesn’t want her upset. Ok…stop a sec…does anyone remember last season? When did this affection begin?
Day two- another breakfast. Romano nicely asks the cook…or is he a chef?…I will have to ask Kelly…but anyway, Ramona asks him to please make her oatmeal without salt. I loved how she asked. She was very sweet. I like her today.
Kelly shows up with a pad of paper and tells everyone they can write complaints down. She mentions fourth grade and no one seems to have a clue what she is talking about. Alex tells us that Ramona accused her of channeling the devil. That got Bethenny’s attention and she demanded (ok.. ASKED) how to do that because she seems to want to know how.
Kelly then asks them to allow her to photograph them on the beach. She tells us she is not the greatest photographer but she really enjoys taking pictures. She says she wants to give them something to see how beautiful she thinks they are….she is weird. She begins pretending she is her ex-husband. The ladies look great but I wish Ramona wore a different suit.
She starts to photograph Alex and it gets very strange. Kelly is giving her strange directions and Alex is not comfortable. She keeps saying “Johan face Alex…”….I have no idea what that means.
We flash back to NYC and see Jill skating. What is she WEARING? A full costume? The professionals are there practicing in their sweats and here is Jill is a body suit with sparkly boobs. She gets yelled at by the coach that is working with the real skaters. She is embarrassed. I am embarrassed seeing it.
Jill and Luann are having dinner and talking about why they did not go to Caribbean. Jill has to reveal that Kelly has been calling her and tells Luann that Kelly is not leaving her room…which we all know is not true…but they both laugh and snark at how horrible the other women are. apparently EVERYONE has forgotten that Kelly is insane. Jill shares that she is going to ‘surprise’ everyone and show up in St. John. Luann doesn’t think it’s a good idea. Luann gets the “Level-headed Housewife of the Week” award.
Back in the Caribbean we see the girls on the patio enjoying drinks and appetizer. Humidity is not treating their hair well. They all appear to have a glaze of sweat on them.
Kelly is talking on speaker phone to her daughter. Ramona suggests that she go in the other room and Kelly freaks out. After the call she comes in to tell Ramona that when it’s about her child then it’s none of her business. Kelly announces that the woman are “all so high maintenance. They visibly swallow their words and try to move past it. She rudely turns down an offered drink.
In her personal interview she tells us that she tries so hard to be “even keeled with them”…..that must have been edited out…and then says ‘WhenI am talking to my child, don’t even come near me because I will CLAW YOUR EYES OUT!” Ok…let’s stop her a moment. Isn’t that what she said Bethenny was doing to her? Has anyone ever had their yes clawed out? Is this really a thing that happens? Who does she hang out with?
Bethenny made all the food. She goes into the kitchen to finish up and Kelly announces that she doesn’t want to sit across from Bethenny and says she is psychotic. Bethenny comes out and says ‘Kelly if you don’t want to sit across from me, then don’t. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do..” She lists a lot of things Kelly can NOT do if she chooses including eating the food that she prepared. Sonja changes seats with Kelly while she laments how “defensive” Kelly is. And this, my friends, is just the precursor for what is about to transpire. Stop reading now if you can’t take high levels of insanity.
Kelly’s hair looks crazy. Interesting.
Ramona is really sweet and doesn’t want to send a crab cake back to the kitchen. She doesn’t want to insult Bethenny. I thought that was really thoughtful. Kelly tells us that the food was not that good. Next course is the steaks and Kelly asks for a steak knife. Bethenny takes the steak away and realizes that the steak needed to be cooked more. She takes care of it and comes back to the table. Kelly feigns concern for Bethenny.
Ramona brings up that she has not heard from Jill. Let the crazy begin…. Kelly announces that she has heard from her and announces that Jill is concerned about Bethenny and tells Ramona that it’s not abut her. She won’t let anyone else talk. She suddenly says “Welcome to Bethenny’s world and she wants to know who is asking about her.”….when anyone else speaks Kelly gets upset and then announces that “this is like white noise”…and she just keeps going. Ramona wants to make up with Bethenny about a former incident and Kelly starts saying the most crazy things “Are you guys going to make out- with the tongue?” Ramona want her to take a time out and Kelly tells her to ZIP IT…and then says “you made her cry”….maybe 5 or 8 times. She won’t stop talking. Ramona takes Bethenny aside and Kelly tells them to have their “intimate moment” and “with the tongue’….
Bethenny and Ramona are starting to think there is something wrong with her. Ya think? Back at the table Alex and Sonja are trying to reason with crazy. Girls, just give it up. Kelly suddenly says “This is Free to be…you and me…1979″….I have to wonder what happened in 1979 with Kelly. It’s safe to say that her brain stop maturing right around then. She must have been 7 or9 yrs old? Right? She then starts analyzing Alex and telling her what her opinion of her was. Alex tells her that she was afraid of getting in front of the camera and Kelly starts talking about nightmares. Alex tries to be calm with her. “let’s not over-dramatize”….toooo late. Kelly does the Catholic sign of the cross. I am wondering why she doesn’t melt.
Kelly announces that she has had nightmares about Bethenny trying to KILL HER like she has done so many times before! KILL HER??? Damn Bravo editing…we didn’t get to see any of the attempted killing. Can you imagine the ratings?
Bethenny and Ramona return. Kelly wants to talk. She tells Sonja to ZIP IT. Wow….social skills are lacking.
Kelly says that the night of the party where Alex was delivering a message to Jill she had white make up on and black eyeliner…she was a GABOOGIE….and I don’t know what that is…and Kelly says she was channeling a vampire or something. Alex needs a time out…so they leave Sonja with Kelly. Sonja says “that’s not fair.” She grabs her head and says to Kelly “You just told Alex she was kabookie in white make up…” She tried to reason with her and points out that she ruined the day with her comments. Kelly says “When you have a woman go after you in the press every single day..” Oh my…so she thinks Bethenny was busy going after her in the press? Why would she do that?
Flash to Bethenny having a validation victory party because finally everyone has seen the lunatic that is Kelly Bensimon…
Kelly says “She went after my little girl…” and starts crying. Sonja is trying to calm her.
The ladies return to the party.
Bethenny wants to calm Kelly and says that she will listen. Kelly starts talking about Al Sharpton. It makes no sense.
Kelly says she is excusing herself and she will come back to do shots. She announces ‘I am a woman and I have a prerogative”
She then ask Bethenny about the time when she ” Attacked my friend Gwyneth”….Paltrow that is. Yes, I am sure Gwyneth counts Kelly among her confidantes.
Kelly comes back with jelly beans and offering them. This is the most vivid example of crazy I have ever seen. She starts minimizing everything they talked about and suddenly says to Bethenny ” Your dad passed away and you’re here. It’s creepy!”‘ and she continues eating jelly beans. I will assume that they are not the processed food kind of jelly beans.
Ramona begins to share about her mother passing away and Kelly tells her not to talk about it.
Sonja says “The 4 of us are sane and she is crazy and we are picking on her..” I will agree with that. I also fault Bravo for this. They must know that this chick is a few fries short of a happy meal. Why film it an exploit it? That is kind of sick. I am wondering if Kelly will ever get a date after all this.
Kelly then tells them that she threw up before she came and had nightmares about Bethenny killing her. Bethenny freaks out and tells her to go to sleep because she is crazy. Kelly makes a strange face…like she just sucked a lemon or something…then pops another jelly bean. She looks confused.
Sonja is trying to calm her down and protect her. Ok, I like Sonja. This is tough. She is a new kid on the block and she is not afraid to stand up and do what is right. The ladies all seem to suddenly realize that Kelly is not playing with a full deck. They tried to placate her insanity and they are going to try to keep her safe….from herself.
Whew. That was intense. Next week looks worse. I hope I am wrong.
This episode repulsed and angered me so deeply that I had to wait until this morning to recap it. The source: DANIELLE. Why is this woman left alone with children? Why is she allowed to make decisions about their lives? She is inappropriate, self-absorbed, narcisistic…ok, here we go.
Danielle is still upset because Jaquie and Dina did not attend the luncheon to celebrate her…I mean her DAUGHTER’s photo spread. She knew they were not coming but she still grandstands their absence to create drama and try to portray herself as a victim. Jacque sent flowers to congratulate her daughter but Danielle is not happy. She begins badgering her younger daughter with stupid questions. The little girl is not comfortable and she doesn’t want to play along. Mommy either doesn’t notice or she doesn’t give a flying frig. I am going to assume that there was no adult available for this staged scene so Bravo used her child instead. I am guessing they are following the handbook TLC uses : Victimizing Children for Profit
Danielle: Do you think I should give her a call?
Child: I don’t know! (with a look that says ‘why are you asking me this? I am 10!)
The child then suggests that mommy wants PRIVACY….meaning “let me out of here!!” Danielle refuses the request and forces her daughter to sit there while she calls Jaqueline and leaves a message. Based on the way the scenes are shown I suspect the child is forced to sit on that chair for an extended time period. Each time it flashes back to her she is sitting differently and the items on the table are changed. Is it FAIR to expect a small kid to sit there and watch her mother make a fool of herself? What does this have to do with the child? Why should she be included in any of this? Bravo- SHAME ON YOU. …and I am just getting started.
There is no answer. She leaves a message while her child chews on her braided hair. Poor, bored, child. Then Mommy starts with more questions: “Do you think she is busy? Why didn’t she answer?”….is this little kid supposed to KNOW that? Is this her child her or therapist?
In her personal interview D starts to complain “Why did she send me flowers?” (She didn’t send them to YOU moron) She catches herself “Why did you send my daughter flowers?”….is this really a question? If someone doesn’t like you then they should not be allowed to wish your child well? It’s all about YOU- right Danielle?
She finally frees her hostage and she scurries out fast before Mommy changes her mind. D calls back to leave a crazy message that makes no sense. She wants to know how they are going to “move forward” if she can’t celebrate her children with her. How many ways does Jaqueline have to say it? How clear does she have to be?
Like I said, I am angry at the entire display is asinine behavior.
Dina and Theresa get together for tea and conversation. It is planned and scripted. Clearly. They discuss the luncheon and Danielle. Again. How many times will this be revisited? Is there nothing else happening in all of New Jersey? No one is mentioning the most pressing part of the issue: Why is this crazy woman raising two children? How can we help THEM? Noooo….we are more concerned about the drama that we want kept out of our adult lives. That is the important thing. Forget the children, we have to get our hair done.
Flash to Jaqueline and Caroline having coffee together at J’s house. Guess what they are talking about? Danielle….of course….sheeeesh. Are their lives THAT small? Maybe they should have put off filming until something else interesting happened to discuss….you know…like how some shows will have the main character’s get pregnant? Except….TWO of the ladies have been pregnant and one is about to give birth. That’s right! So why is Danielle still the most interesting topic?
Caroline was all scripted and ready to go. She pointed out that Danielle never sent a card or a gift when the baby was born. It’s nice that the baby got a mention in the script. Good work Bravo.
Back at Danielle’s broken down mansion we are treated to a scene with her tormenting her children again. It seems that no adults are willing to be filmed with this vat of crazy. Poor kids. She is talking to her about Fashion week and telling her she will be wearing 8 inch heels. I think Danielle is confusing things with her stripper days. She then begins telling baby daughter to look at how beautiful her sister is and then leads them in a discussion where they are comparing themselves to each other. That is so healthy! Mothering at it’s finest.
For some reason we are now watching a very pregnant Theresa shopping in a children’s overpriced boutique. Where are these kids going that they need to be dressed in these fancy clothes? The 3-year-old is tearing hte place up. The 5-year-old is barely getting noticed. It’s allll about Gia. We are told over and over again that Gia is the next super model. I don’t snark on kids so I will shut up. Gia wants more stuff. Mom says she is not Donald Trump and tells her to that she needs to go to work….because being filmed for a reality TV show is not a job. Right Theresa? Right Bravo? Gia is not working RIGHT NOW- correct?
Gia tells mommy that she is too pretty to work. No script there…..sure.
The total is $1965.80. We needed to know that. I thought Theresa was ridiculous. Now I have proof. Thanks again Bravo. My life is complete.
Zen Jen comes to vist Dina. That is how limited this woman’s life is. What should Dina and Zen Jen talk about???? Ohhh….they need to talk about DANIELLE. The argument happened LAST YEAR and yet this is still the main topic? Zen Jen states the obvious- get her out of your life. Ummm….she is already out ZenJen….ok? I am guessing ZenJen gets paid by the hour. Good work.
Nice rehashing the only topic available Dina. CUT….time for a commercial.
At this point I just wish the show was over. I am fast forwarding my DVR and realize I am only 1/2 way through this mess and I honestly don’t want to finish watching it…but I promised a recap. Ugh.
Ok…good news. We found an adult who will film with Danielle. The realtor! If you are looking to make a huge commission on a sale then you are willing to be filmed with the whack-a-doodle. Danielle is crying about only getting “just under a million” if she were to sell now. That’s horrible! The poor thing! How could she scrape by? There is no choice but to take the house off the market. Otherwise she might have to get a JOB?
Theresa pops in to say ‘She is not too pretty to work.”
Good editing Bravo.
Dinner at Theresa’s house. Caroline is there. Joe comes home from work 3 hours late for dinner. Feeding the children ahead of time did not occur to her? No, they waited and let the whining and bouncing kids pick at their food and ruin the dinner conversation. Good call.
For no real reason Theresa suddenly says that Joe and her are “old-fashioned, but in a cute way.”….and she has to tell us that they have sex everyday. Sometimes twice. Giggle. Information I needed to know. Thanks.
Joe picks on his daughters with sarcastic comments. Theresa likes it because it gives them a thick skin. Really? Telling his daughter that she is ugly is good for her? Especially when she is on her way to be in a fashion show? When you realize she is crying you respond by making fun of her some more? Mommy tells her that he is KIDDING. Really honey, it’s FUNNY when daddy calls you an ugly duckling. And he just keeps picking. Funny stuff dad. Keep up the great parenting.
Danielle took her daughter to the “best modeling agency in the world” to teach her how to walk. Danielle keeps insisting that she was once a model. Her face is totally jacked up so it’s hard to believe that she was ever a model. Again, I think Danielle is confusing being a stripper with runway modeling.
Smaller child is bored. Too bad she is being forced to go through all this. Where is her father? My ex would have dragged me into court in a NY minute if I ever treated my kids like this and he had film to prove it.
Backstage at the runway show Gia is getting primped. She yawns. Theresa again tells her that she needs to learn to not let Daddy’s mean comments affect her because she should be used to it by now. While I appreciate the respect she has for her husband, it’s OK to say ‘Honey, Gia really needs her Daddy to be more loving and less sarcastic.”
Danielle is talking about her experiences in the stripping modeling industry. She knew a lot of unhealthy strippers models. We are supposed to guess that she is talking about anorexia and not herpes or ghonera…..so we will play along. She says she is not concerned about Christine and we flash to two tiny pieces of melon she is about to eat after announcing how hungry she is. She turns down other food. Well her “Mother” might not be worried, but I am.
One marked difference between the two modeling scenes is that Theresa is clearly happy for HER DAUGHTER while Danielle still thinks it is all about her.
Gia does look really cute. Her family is there to support her. I love that.
Runway show….watch Gia peform….watch Christine….yawn….
After the show Daddy says nice things. It’s good to know that you need to get professionally made up and perform so that Daddy will finally say something nice. Good trend Joe.
Christine looked beautiful. Danielle can’t stop talking about how the other housewives are not “Genuinely happy for me…………OR my children”….Glad she threw that in. She almost forgot about that. She is convinced that she will be traveling the world…WITH DANIELLE at her side!!! Of course! I hope her coat tails are big enough for her mother. Then Danielle says that if she had been given the same opportunities at her age then maybe her life would have turn out differently. Ummm….I thought she WAS a model? Did she forget her storyline?
Christine had to leave the stage to throw up. Her mother didn’t notice because she was too busy working the crowd so that everyone knew that this was somehow about her. I wonder where the other mother’s were? Backstage there are a handful of others who appear more motherly and concerned about Christine than the crazy freak who brought her into the world. Her first question was “What is this?” referring to the damp perspiration that appeared on her ill childs face. She is an idiot.
I am glad I am done with this recap. Tune in next week to see how many ways the housewives can talk about Danielle….yawn.
This reviewer said in one paragraph what I tried to say in this entire post:
This late in season three, they’re old hands at it, even if their circumstances have changed repeatedly, but there are still lessons for them – and us – to learn, and “Kafkaesque” is all about that. We open up with a glimpse of how Gus’s distribution network operates. Jesse crunches the numbers and realizes how much more Gus is making than they are from their hard work, and Walt later uses that info, and the revelation of Hank getting the warning call about the Cousins, to try to negotiate a raise from the Chicken Man. Saul gives Jesse a colorful lesson in money laundering with the help of some nail salon supplies, then tries to charge him a higher rate than Walt. And Skyler uses Walt’s meth-cooking adventures as the spine of an elaborate but palatable lie about card-counting that she uses to make Walt pay for Hank’s expensive physical therapies. And Jesse realizes how to skim some meth out of their production without being noticed, and then that he has the perfect new market in his 12-step group.
Click HERE for the rest of Alan Sepinwall’s Review
Commercial for the Los Pollos Hermanos, aka “chicken brothers.” Guy’s restaurants. The commercial voice over is talking about his 2 uncles which makes me think of the cousins and Tio. Also makes me think of hot, spicy, juicy, succulent chicken.
Walt and his large crew are packing up the blue meth for distribution.
Weighing, passing, bagging, storing, hiding the blue meth in the the refried bean containers for the chicken places. I’ll never look at beans the same way. All automated with Los Pollos Hermanos trucks picking up the shipments of meth filled retried bean buckets. Gus supervises with satisfaction.
Jesse weighs the junk and they are over 1.5 lbs. Walt wants to ship it as is but Jessie wants to take it out. “why are you purposely giving them fee meth, These bitches are bleeding us already.”
They argue and Jesse complains about the deal. Jesse isn’t satisfied because he did the math and realized that Gus is making 96 million to their 3 million. “That is messed up, yo.”
“Jesse, you are now a millionaire and you are now complaining. What world do you live in?”
He walks off as Jesse is still yelling.
Hank in hospital with Marie fawning over him and Skylar in the room too. Gomie comes in to visit and Marie allows it.
“His color looks good” Hank calls him closer, all the way to his face and says, “asshole”. Walt Jr. says, “heh, he got you good,.”
He gives Hank info on the blue meth popping up all over the place. Walt is in the room. Skylar is obvious. Hank doesn’t really care that he predicted this. He wants more meds. Marie says, “no shop talk.”
Hank says he didn’t see it coming. he tells Gomie about the warning call before the attack by the cousins. Watl listens intently.
Walt goes to his car looking guilty and sick to his stomach. He knows Gomie news about the blue meth being all over the place is his blue meth. Skylar gets in the car and he says he has nothing to do with it. Sky just wants to know if they are safe. She’s breaking bad . . .
“are you safe.”?? “Absolutely.” She leaves the car and walks back into the hospital.
Jesse is in his 12 step meeting. He shares with the group that he’s working at a laundromat. It’s corporate owned and very strict. They have secrets and the employees don’t know anything. He complains about his boss, the job and the group leader (Jere Burns) says it’s “Kafkaesque””
Marie is opening flowers and get-well gifts for Hank. He doesn’t give a fuck. My allergies are acting up just seeing all the different flowers. Skylar’s boss/lover gives a generous gift, along with time off. Gee, I wonder why.
Doctor comes in to check Hank for feeling in his legs. None. He says he feels a tingle but he can’t rate it. He’s lying. He lies again “6” — I can tell he’s lying and I think the doctor did too. He puts the covers back on and says “looks like some nerve function is returning.”
Doctor explains to Marie alone that they can’t have high expectations. Of course they can’t start physical therapy until the damn insurance papers come through and our accepted. There is an insurance lady there to explain what isn’t covered. It’s all about $$, not Hank’s care. Great example of our health care problems. They want to start therapy now but the health plan won’t allow it because it might not be in the network.
The insurance lady starts talking about the money. “If you don’t follow the insurance companies procedures, they may never pay you back. I’ve seen families go bankrupt.”
Sky is thinking about all the money she and Walt have and continue to make.
Saul getting mani/pedi and Jesse walks in but doesn’t want the pampering. Saul says the nail Salon is “all his” and he’s the new owner. Might have been Walt but Jesse showed up first. He bought it for 312k so Jesse could look legit and have a money laundering establishment. Jesse tries to walk out but Saul calls him back in and mentions IRS. He explains that he needs the “cover” and the nail salon would be the perfect example.
“You want me to by this so I could pay taxes? I’m a criminal, yo.”
Saul says he’ll get 17% and Jesse walks out.
Walt sees the trucks pass him as he’s heading to to Gus’s desert hideaway. He gets out to talk to Gus.
“How is your brother-in-law?”
“Good I’m glad. Walter you seem troubled, How can I help you?”
“I asked to see you in order to clear the air. There are some issues that could cause a misunderstanding between us and I think its in our best interest to lay the cards on the table.”
that’s the best way to do business
“My brother-in-law got a call, I think that same person was protecting me from those 2 men and somehow they were steered away from me and to my brother-in-law. Because of this, I’m alive. And I think this person is playing a much deeper game. He made that phone call because he wanted a SO , in one stroke he blooded both sides, sent the MA gov against, stopped supply, if this man had his own supply, has market to himself. The rewards would be enormous.’ We’re both adults. I can’t pretend I don’t know that person is you. I want there to be no confusion. I know I owe YOU my LIFE. And more than that, I respect the strategy in your position, I wouldC done the same . One issue which troubles me-0– i don’t know what happens when our 3 month contract ends.”
“What would you like to happen?”
You know why I do this, I want security for my family.”
“You have 3 million for 3 months work. Extebded annually, 12 mil a year. Call it 15, open ended. Will that be agreeable?”
Walt drives. He starts speeding, faster faster, flooring it at 90 and going faster and closing his eyes, swerving into the wrong lane, truck walking and he wakes up to swerve in time but he’s out of control and crashes into the road. shaken up. Exhales.
He puts on his turn signal, gets back on the road and drives off.
Jesse again in meeting. Talking about relapse triggers to head off the disease before it comes back. Free license to bitch and moan. Jesse, . . .?? ”
The leader asks Jesse what he would do if he had all the money he needed. He says he’d like to work with his hands. He liked wood working. He explains about a past class project. Other people look bored. Another great monologue by Aaron Paul. “is that the best you can do” is what the teacher asked him because he rushed through it. By ehe end of the semester his 5th box was “insane.” He used special wood, screws, sanded it for days, it was perfect and he was proud of it. He told the group that he gave it to his mom.
No, he traded it for an ounce of weed.
Marie and Skylar talking about the insurance crap. Sky’s lover shows up and she introduces Marie to Ted. Marie thanks him for the gift basket. Marie invites him in and offers him a glass of wine. She decides to leave and take a bath. She must smell; bad because Skylar just suggested the same.
Sky is not happy to see Ted but he wants to talk. He’s acting all needy and whiny, “I haven’t heard from you in days”d She’s explaining that this whole thing iwhth hank is a non-stop horror show. She wants him to go. He gets pushy about being hidden and she starts yelling at him he leaves telling her to take as much time off as she wants.
SP and Jesse talking about the joys of cooking in the RV. Sitting w his druggie buddies have useless talk. He’s pissed about paying taxes and says it’s Kafkaesque and I believe he’s using the term wrong. He wants to start cooking alone again to sell on the street. He claims to have a whole new market. All they need is the Meth.
Walt and Jesse in the lab. Jesse slamming things. asks about th yield 201.8
He’s thinking and if he had a mustache he’d be twirling it.
Coming attractions for next week. Fuck you AMC.
Jesse back in group. New faces don’t want to speak up. Brandon, one of Jesse’s friends, I think he wants them to get clean so they can sell and not be addicts. He talks about his meth addiction and how the new version is on the streets and skinny peat says, “not that blue stuff” and they start talking about the stuff that “lights their whole head on fire” They talk about the same of running out and and that it’s back in town. All the addict ears perk up. Jesse smiles with pleasure. This is low.
Marie threatening to go to the press if Hank doesn’t get the care he needs. He might be in a wc if he doesn’t get ps immediately. Walt offers marei “anything” but he can’t say he has money. Sky says, Walt, we can always [pay their bills”
“We have the money, more than enough” Walt’s starting to panic, “Marie needs to know the truth”
She starts lying about the problems they’ve been having and money. She starts explaining that he’s providing and he paid his own medical bills. Explains he wouldn’t take charity. He’s nervous but I think he trusts she will come up with a story to explain his money. Yep, she praises him and says he came up with a blackjack counting card system. Yeah, like Rain man. Says Walt went to all the casinos and didn’t want his winning to be reported to the IRS. Claims he’s been going to illegal back yard casinos. That’s where he was when he was missing. Leading a double life. Walt is so proud of how wonderful Sky lies. She says that the night he disappeared he lost his pension, savings, etc. Marie scolds him.
Sky says the system got to work and lets just say we have the money, no more gambling
“Uh, well, uh, it’s in the 8 figures”
“oh dear god”
“What can I say, I did very well, Marie, you will take our money and use it to take care of Hank. Please.”
“Marie, let us help.”
“Please don’t tell Walt Jr.”
Marie needs to thing about it.
Walt asks Skylar, “How could you come up with that?”
“I learned from the best. Something tells me Hank is here because of you and I’m not forgetting that.”
My BFF used that phrase once and I never forgot it. A few thing have been bugging the hell out of me and I just want to vent about them:
(no particular order)
- Subway’s new breakfast commercial. I think there should be a law that says you cannot use the universal alarm-clock beeps on TV. It’s THE MOST annoying sound and those of us that need to hear that sound 5, sometimes 6 days a week, really don’t need to hear that sound while we are supposedly relaxing. I am boycotting Subway. That’s my silent protest. Togo’s is much better anyway.
- The sexualization of young girls. A dance to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” is performed by 7 year old girls. I’ll preface this by saying the girls are very talented and obviously put a lot of work and practice into this performance. The parents of these girls should be arrested for child pornography. The girls are scantily clad with bikini tops and booty shorts, and they are gyrating and moving like strippers. I’m not linking the video here for obvious reasons. Turn on the TV. They continually show it in order to discuss it. Yeah, that makes sense. I don’t even want to begin on Miley Cyrus and her pimp, I mean daddy, Billy Ray. Joe Simpson, Joe Jackson, Dina Lohan, Michael Lohan, Jon and Kate, Duggars, Jenners (Kendall and Kylie), pageant moms, and any parent who uses their children for financial gain. It seems child labor laws don’t keep up with the lack of ethics of companies and parents.
- Awkwardness. There is somebody I’ve known my entire life. I love this person and we have many things in common. However, when we talk on the phone (few times per year) it’s awkward, uncomfortable and we have to think of topics to discuss. TV shows, assholes, work, etc. but it’s not the easy banter I have with say, Jen, who’ve I’ve only known about about 10 months. I just don’t get it and I want that tension to be gone.
- Facebook. Yes, I’m on it but I hate it. It’s wonderful and has increased my social life. I’ve reconnected with dear friends that Ilove, family members that I’m closer to now than ever before and teachers that are no longer “Mr.” but now are known by their first names. However, it’s the “dating” aspect that gets dicey. Oh, I won’t get into it but lets just say I have a very strong love/hate relationship with facebook.
- Puberty. ’nuff said.
- This NEWSWEEK writer crap about “gay men can’t play straight men.” Yeah, well Rock Hudson proved otherwise. If gay men can’t play straight, the theater wouldn’t exist. Does one have to be a drug addict to play one? How about a prostitute or murderer? The main point is that gay men have been playing straight men in blockbuster hit movies for decades. If they play straight in real life, doing it in the movies is a piece of cake.
- Annoying co-worker. Oh boy, do I have a good one. This person checks my work (it’s not his job) and attempts to boss me around. He’s impatient, rude, lazy and filthy. He comes in with stinky food, sings annoyingly to songs not on the radio and cannot put simple papers (with holes punched) into an open binder.
- Cancer and Aids. I have a few people in my life, whom I love dearly, and these people are living with these awful diseases. We can put men on the moon, grow ears on mice, clone sheep, allow old farts to have 3 hour erections and miracles happen in operating rooms and research labs every single day. Why these two awful killers can’t be eradicated from society is baffling to me.
- AMC showing “Breaking Bad” coming attractions DURING the initial broadcasting of an episode. They do this about 40 minutes into the program and it reveals spoilers that hadn’t been tied-up yet.Get it together AMC, this is the best show on TV and the viewers are loyal and obsessed.
- Not having a dog. It annoys me that I don’t have a dog.