Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 2, Ep. 3 – “Danielle’s the star!” – Recap and Spoilers

This episode repulsed and angered me so deeply that I had to wait until this morning to recap it. The source: DANIELLE. Why is this woman left alone with children? Why is she allowed to make decisions about their lives? She is inappropriate, self-absorbed, narcisistic…ok, here we go.

Danielle is still upset because Jaquie and Dina did not attend the luncheon to celebrate her…I mean her DAUGHTER’s photo spread. She knew they were not coming but she still grandstands their absence to create drama and try to portray herself as a victim. Jacque sent flowers to congratulate her daughter but Danielle is not happy. She begins badgering her younger daughter with stupid questions. The little girl is not comfortable and she doesn’t want to play along. Mommy either doesn’t notice or she doesn’t give a flying frig. I am going to assume that there was no adult available for this staged scene so Bravo used her child instead. I am guessing they are following the handbook TLC uses : Victimizing Children for Profit

Danielle: Do you think I should give her a call?

Child: I don’t know! (with a look that says ‘why are you asking me this? I am 10!)

The child then suggests that mommy wants PRIVACY….meaning “let me out of here!!” Danielle refuses the request and forces her daughter to sit there while she calls Jaqueline and leaves a message. Based on the way the scenes are shown I suspect the child is forced to sit on that chair for an extended time period. Each time it flashes back to her she is sitting differently and the items on the table are changed. Is it FAIR to expect a small kid to sit there and watch her mother make a fool of herself? What does this have to do with the child? Why should she be included in any of this? Bravo- SHAME ON YOU. …and I am just getting started.

There is no answer. She leaves a message while her child chews on her braided hair. Poor, bored, child. Then Mommy starts with more questions: “Do you think she is busy? Why didn’t she answer?”….is this little kid supposed to KNOW that? Is this her child her or therapist?

In her personal interview D starts to complain “Why did she send me flowers?” (She didn’t send them to YOU moron) She catches herself “Why did you send my daughter flowers?”….is this really a question? If someone doesn’t like you then they should not be allowed to wish your child well? It’s all about YOU- right Danielle?

She finally frees her hostage and she scurries out fast before Mommy changes her mind. D calls back to leave a crazy message that makes no sense. She wants to know how they are going to “move forward” if she can’t celebrate her children with her. How many ways does Jaqueline have to say it? How clear does she have to be?

Like I said, I am angry at the entire display is asinine behavior.

Dina and Theresa get together for tea and conversation. It is planned and scripted. Clearly. They discuss the luncheon and Danielle. Again. How many times will this be revisited? Is there nothing else happening in all of New Jersey? No one is mentioning the most pressing part of the issue: Why is this crazy woman raising two children? How can we help THEM? Noooo….we are more concerned about the drama that we want kept out of our adult lives. That is the important thing. Forget the children, we have to get our hair done.

Flash to Jaqueline and Caroline having coffee together at J’s house. Guess what they are talking about? Danielle….of course….sheeeesh. Are their lives THAT small? Maybe they should have put off filming until something else interesting happened to discuss….you know…like how some shows will have the main character’s get pregnant? Except….TWO of the ladies have been pregnant and one is about to give birth. That’s right! So why is Danielle still the most interesting topic?

Caroline was all scripted and ready to go. She pointed out that Danielle never sent a card or a gift when the baby was born. It’s nice that the baby got a mention in the script. Good work Bravo.

Back at Danielle’s broken down mansion we are treated to a scene with her tormenting her children again. It seems that no adults are willing to be filmed with this vat of crazy. Poor kids. She is talking to her about Fashion week and telling her she will be wearing 8 inch heels. I think Danielle is confusing things with her stripper days. She then begins telling baby daughter to look at how beautiful her sister is and then leads them in a discussion where they are comparing themselves to each other. That is so healthy! Mothering at it’s finest.

For some reason we are now watching a very pregnant Theresa shopping in a children’s overpriced boutique. Where are these kids going that they need to be dressed in these fancy clothes? The 3-year-old is tearing hte place up. The 5-year-old is barely getting noticed. It’s allll about Gia. We are told over and over again that Gia is the next super model. I don’t snark on kids so I will shut up. Gia wants more stuff. Mom says she is not Donald Trump and tells her to that she needs to go to work….because being filmed for a reality TV show is not a job. Right Theresa? Right Bravo? Gia is not working RIGHT NOW- correct?

Gia tells mommy that she is too pretty to work. No script there…..sure.

The total is $1965.80. We needed to know that. I thought Theresa was ridiculous. Now I have proof. Thanks again Bravo. My life is complete.

Zen Jen comes to vist Dina. That is how limited this woman’s life is. What should Dina and Zen Jen talk about???? Ohhh….they need to talk about DANIELLE. The argument happened LAST YEAR and yet this is still the main topic? Zen Jen states the obvious- get her out of your life. Ummm….she is already out ZenJen….ok? I am guessing ZenJen gets paid by the hour. Good work.

Nice rehashing the only topic available Dina. CUT….time for a commercial.

At this point I just wish the show was over. I am fast forwarding my DVR and realize I am only 1/2 way through this mess and I honestly don’t want to finish watching it…but I promised a recap. Ugh.

Ok…good news. We found an adult who will film with Danielle. The realtor! If you are looking to make a huge commission on a sale then you are willing to be filmed with the whack-a-doodle. Danielle is crying about only getting “just under a million” if she were to sell now. That’s horrible! The poor thing! How could she scrape by? There is no choice but to take the house off the market. Otherwise she might have to get a JOB?

Theresa pops in to say ‘She is not too pretty to work.”

Good editing Bravo.

Dinner at Theresa’s house. Caroline is there. Joe comes home from work 3 hours late for dinner. Feeding the children ahead of time did not occur to her? No, they waited and let the whining and bouncing kids pick at their food and ruin the dinner conversation. Good call.

For no real reason Theresa suddenly says that Joe and her are “old-fashioned, but in a cute way.”….and she has to tell us that they have sex everyday. Sometimes twice. Giggle. Information I needed to know. Thanks.

Joe picks on his daughters with sarcastic comments. Theresa likes it because it gives them a thick skin. Really? Telling his daughter that she is ugly is good for her? Especially when she is on her way to be in a fashion show? When you realize she is crying you respond by making fun of her some more? Mommy tells her that he is KIDDING. Really honey, it’s FUNNY when daddy calls you an ugly duckling. And he just keeps picking. Funny stuff dad. Keep up the great parenting.

Danielle took her daughter to the “best modeling agency in the world” to teach her how to walk. Danielle keeps insisting that she was once a model. Her face is totally jacked up so it’s hard to believe that she was ever a model. Again, I think Danielle is confusing being a stripper with runway modeling.

Smaller child is bored. Too bad she is being forced to go through all this. Where is her father? My ex would have dragged me into court in a NY minute if I ever treated my kids like this and he had film to prove it.

Backstage at the runway show Gia is getting primped. She yawns. Theresa again tells her that she needs to learn to not let Daddy’s mean comments affect her because she should be used to it by now. While I appreciate the respect she has for her husband, it’s OK to say ‘Honey, Gia really needs her Daddy to be more loving and less sarcastic.”

Danielle is talking about her experiences in the stripping modeling industry. She knew a lot of unhealthy strippers models. We are supposed to guess that she is talking about anorexia and not herpes or ghonera…..so we will play along. She says she is not concerned about Christine and we flash to two tiny pieces of melon she is about to eat after announcing how hungry she is. She turns down other food. Well her “Mother” might not be worried, but I am.

One marked difference between the two modeling scenes is that Theresa is clearly happy for HER DAUGHTER while Danielle still thinks it is all about her.

Gia does look really cute. Her family is there to support her. I love that.

Runway show….watch Gia peform….watch Christine….yawn….

After the show Daddy says nice things. It’s good to know that you need to get professionally made up and perform so that Daddy will finally say something nice. Good trend Joe.

Christine looked beautiful. Danielle can’t stop talking about how the other housewives are not “Genuinely happy for me…………OR my children”….Glad she threw that in. She almost forgot about that. She is convinced that she will be traveling the world…WITH DANIELLE at her side!!! Of course! I hope her coat tails are big enough for her mother. Then Danielle says that if she had been given the same opportunities at her age then maybe her life would have turn out differently. Ummm….I thought she WAS a model? Did she forget her storyline?

Christine had to leave the stage to throw up. Her mother didn’t notice because she was too busy working the crowd so that everyone knew that this was somehow about her. I wonder where the other mother’s were? Backstage there are a handful of others who appear more motherly and concerned about Christine than the crazy freak who brought her into the world. Her first question was “What is this?” referring to the damp perspiration that appeared on her ill childs face. She is an idiot.

I am glad I am done with this recap. Tune in next week to see how many ways the housewives can talk about Danielle….yawn.