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Real Housewives of NYC- Kelly hits a new level of crazy. Recap and Spoilers

This week we are still in St. John…or S. John’s, if you are talking to Ramona, and there is no lack of insanity. There is also a lot of humidity and their hair styles take a beating.

We start with breakfast the morning after Kelly’s outrageous outbursts. Almost immediately she is back on Bethenny and calling her a COOK as though that were some kind of terrible insult. I wish ANYONE would call me a cook…I digress. Bethenny asks her what the difference is between a CHEF and a COOK. According to Kelly Chefs work in restaurants. “Just because you are catering people’s parties does not a chef make.” she tells us in her interview. Kelly then says she didn’t know and keeps talking really fast and saying things that don’t make sense. Bethenny tells her to own her comments and then assures her that everyone there is seeing that Kelly started it. I am on Team Bethenny so I was disappointed when she went that route….but Alex saved the day with a question from Simon via a text message regarding chocolate waffles.

At this route I am wondering how this episode will be. We started out at Mach4 and Bethenny is already crying. It has to get better than this. Right? Please?

The yacht pulls up in front of a huge palace that they will be staying in and they take small boats to get to the shore. They explore this place and seem to have forgotten the Ramona is supposed to have set this up. At this point there is no way that she did and only Bravo could have financed this amazing trip. I am a little jealous. Seriously.

Bethenny brought gifts for each guest; canvass bags with their initials on them packed full of goodies. I thought it was sweet. Kelly finds hers and immediately begins to complain. “It was so impersonal…” ummm…Kelly, your INITIALS are on the bag. She collapses on the bed and begins to sob. There is nothing else to do but to call JILL. Yes, JILL. She talks about nightmares where Bethenny was stabbing her and says Kelly tied to “literally claw your eyes out” and says doesn’t have double D fake tits. (but she does have a boob job so why mention that?) She breaks down crying and says it’s so gross.

Jill says she likes her so much and doesn’t want her upset. Ok…stop a sec…does anyone remember last season? When did this affection begin?

Day two- another breakfast. Romano nicely asks the cook…or is he a chef?…I will have to ask Kelly…but anyway, Ramona asks him to please make her oatmeal without salt. I loved how she asked. She was very sweet. I like her today.

Kelly shows up with a pad of paper and tells everyone they can write complaints down. She mentions fourth grade and no one seems to have a clue what she is talking about. Alex tells us that Ramona accused her of channeling the devil. That got Bethenny’s attention and she demanded (ok.. ASKED) how to do that because she seems to want to know how.

Kelly then asks them to allow her to photograph them on the beach. She tells us she is not the greatest photographer but she really enjoys taking pictures. She says she wants to give them something to see how beautiful she thinks they are….she is weird. She begins pretending she is her ex-husband. The ladies look great but I wish Ramona wore a different suit.

She starts to photograph Alex and it gets very strange. Kelly is giving her strange directions and Alex is not comfortable. She keeps saying “Johan face Alex…”….I have no idea what that means.

We flash back to NYC and see Jill skating. What is she WEARING? A full costume? The professionals are there practicing in their sweats and here is Jill is a body suit with sparkly boobs. She gets yelled at by the coach that is working with the real skaters. She is embarrassed. I am embarrassed seeing it.

Jill and Luann are having dinner and talking about why they did not go to Caribbean. Jill has to reveal that Kelly has been calling her and tells Luann that Kelly is not leaving her room…which we all know is not true…but they both laugh and snark at how horrible the other women are. apparently EVERYONE has forgotten that Kelly is insane. Jill shares that she is going to ‘surprise’ everyone and show up in St. John. Luann doesn’t think it’s a good idea. Luann gets the “Level-headed Housewife of the Week” award.

Back in the Caribbean we see the girls on the patio enjoying drinks and appetizer. Humidity is not treating their hair well. They all appear to have a glaze of sweat on them.

Kelly is talking on speaker phone to her daughter. Ramona suggests that she go in the other room and Kelly freaks out. After the call she comes in to tell Ramona that when it’s about her child then it’s none of her business. Kelly announces that the woman are “all so high maintenance. They visibly swallow their words and try to move past it. She rudely turns down an offered drink.

In her personal interview she tells us that she tries so hard to be “even keeled with them”…..that must have been edited out…and then says ‘WhenI am talking to my child, don’t even come near me because I will CLAW YOUR EYES OUT!” Ok…let’s stop her a moment. Isn’t that what she said Bethenny was doing to her? Has anyone ever had their yes clawed out? Is this really a thing that happens? Who does she hang out with?

Bethenny made all the food. She goes into the kitchen to finish up and Kelly announces that she doesn’t want to sit across from Bethenny and says she is psychotic. Bethenny comes out and says ‘Kelly if you don’t want to sit across from me, then don’t. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do..” She lists a lot of things Kelly can NOT do if she chooses including eating the food that she prepared. Sonja changes seats with Kelly while she laments how “defensive” Kelly is. And this, my friends, is just the precursor for what is about to transpire. Stop reading now if you can’t take high levels of insanity.

Kelly’s hair looks crazy. Interesting.

Ramona is really sweet and doesn’t want to send a crab cake back to the kitchen. She doesn’t want to insult Bethenny. I thought that was really thoughtful. Kelly tells us that the food was not that good. Next course is the steaks and Kelly asks for a steak knife. Bethenny takes the steak away and realizes that the steak needed to be cooked more. She takes care of it and comes back to the table. Kelly feigns concern for Bethenny.

Ramona brings up that she has not heard from Jill. Let the crazy begin…. Kelly announces that she has heard from her and announces that Jill is concerned about Bethenny and tells Ramona that it’s not abut her. She won’t let anyone else talk. She suddenly says “Welcome to Bethenny’s world and she wants to know who is asking about her.”….when anyone else speaks Kelly gets upset and then announces that “this is like white noise”…and she just keeps going. Ramona wants to make up with Bethenny about a former incident and Kelly starts saying the most crazy things “Are you guys going to make out- with the tongue?” Ramona want her to take a time out and Kelly tells her to ZIP IT…and then says “you made her cry”….maybe 5 or 8 times. She won’t stop talking. Ramona takes Bethenny aside and Kelly tells them to have their “intimate moment” and “with the tongue’….

Bethenny and Ramona are starting to think there is something wrong with her. Ya think? Back at the table Alex and Sonja are trying to reason with crazy. Girls, just give it up. Kelly suddenly says “This is Free to be…you and me…1979″….I have to wonder what happened in 1979 with Kelly. It’s safe to say that her brain stop maturing right around then. She must have been 7 or9 yrs old? Right? She then starts analyzing Alex and telling her what her opinion of her was. Alex tells her that she was afraid of getting in front of the camera and Kelly starts talking about nightmares. Alex tries to be calm with her. “let’s not over-dramatize”….toooo late. Kelly does the Catholic sign of the cross. I am wondering why she doesn’t melt.

Kelly announces that she has had nightmares about Bethenny trying to KILL HER like she has done so many times before! KILL HER??? Damn Bravo editing…we didn’t get to see any of the attempted killing. Can you imagine the ratings?

Bethenny and Ramona return. Kelly wants to talk. She tells Sonja to ZIP IT. Wow….social skills are lacking.

Kelly says that the night of the party where Alex was delivering a message to Jill she had white make up on and black eyeliner…she was a GABOOGIE….and I don’t know what that is…and Kelly says she was channeling a vampire or something. Alex needs a time out…so they leave Sonja with Kelly. Sonja says “that’s not fair.” She grabs her head and says to Kelly “You just told Alex she was kabookie in white make up…” She tried to reason with her and points out that she ruined the day with her comments. Kelly says “When you have a woman go after you in the press every single day..” Oh my…so she thinks Bethenny was busy going after her in the press? Why would she do that?

Flash to Bethenny having a validation victory party because finally everyone has seen the lunatic that is Kelly Bensimon…

Kelly says “She went after my little girl…” and starts crying. Sonja is trying to calm her.

The ladies return to the party.

Bethenny wants to calm Kelly and says that she will listen. Kelly starts talking about Al Sharpton. It makes no sense.

Kelly says she is excusing herself and she will come back to do shots. She announces ‘I am a woman and I have a prerogative”

She then ask Bethenny about the time when she ” Attacked my friend Gwyneth”….Paltrow that is. Yes, I am sure Gwyneth counts Kelly among her confidantes.

Kelly comes back with jelly beans and offering them. This is the most vivid example of crazy I have ever seen. She starts minimizing everything they talked about and suddenly says to Bethenny ” Your dad passed away and you’re here. It’s creepy!”‘ and she continues eating jelly beans. I will assume that they are not the processed food kind of jelly beans.

Ramona begins to share about her mother passing away and Kelly tells her not to talk about it.

Sonja says “The 4 of us are sane and she is crazy and we are picking on her..” I will agree with that. I also fault Bravo for this. They must know that this chick is a few fries short of a happy meal. Why film it an exploit it? That is kind of sick. I am wondering if Kelly will ever get a date after all this.

Kelly then tells them that she threw up before she came and had nightmares about Bethenny killing her. Bethenny freaks out and tells her to go to sleep because she is crazy. Kelly makes a strange face…like she just sucked a lemon or something…then pops another jelly bean. She looks confused.

Sonja is trying to calm her down and protect her. Ok, I like Sonja. This is tough. She is a new kid on the block and she is not afraid to stand up and do what is right. The ladies all seem to suddenly realize that Kelly is not playing with a full deck. They tried to placate her insanity and they are going to try to keep her safe….from herself.

Whew. That was intense. Next week looks worse. I hope I am wrong.

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May 21, 2010 - Posted by | Reality TV, RHNY

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