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Real Housewives of New Jersey: Teresa gives birth, Recap and Spoilers

Teresa’s in labor.  She is packing:

  • Make up
  • Jewelry
  • Designer pajamas
  • Burberry tote bag
  • Bored husband

You know, all the needed things. She is her classy self with her hair all fluffed and her face made up, while she tells her sister that she has diarrhea.  Classy.   Her going to the hospital wardrobe consists of platform heels, tight jeans and a strapless blouse.   This is all so quaint….and bizarre.

After checking her email and dragging her husband out of the house she arrives at the hospital.  In the waiting room her dumpy hubby jokes about having more children.  Funny stuff.

Caroline’s son,  Christopher, wants to own a car wash/strip club.  I don’t see how these two things go together.  The adults entertain his stupidity and pretend to take it seriously.  I am tired of hearing about it.  Mom and Dad will “invest” in his stupid idea and keep it running for a while.  We all know that his future involves working at the Brownstone but we play along and pretend there are other options.

Danielle is eating out with her daughters.  They are discussing Christine’s modeling career and how it might be disappointing.  (Flashback to her puking on the runway)  Christine stumbles over her line about the industry.  Danielle seems like she have been informed that her daughter is not going to Paris and she won’t be getting the coat tail ride she hoped for.    Both daughters struggled for the right thing to say.  Mommy doesn’t look happy but she appears to have accepted that her daughter’s are not going to pull their weight.  Damn it.  She says something corny about family but it doesn’t match her expression.

Back at the hospital we see Teresa taking multiple phone calls.  At one point she says she is 3 centimeters dilated.   Why is she there?   I am experienced at giving birth;  at 3 cm I would be home watching TV or shopping in the mall.    Did we need to know that she shaved her “chucky”?    After a graphic shot of her getting an epidural, we are finally released……whew

Ashley is talking to her mom.  They appear to be very uncomfortable in their conversation.  I am sure the cameras are helping the strained relationship.   Mom wants Ashley to see a life coach.  The idea is not catching on.   Ashley is trying to say the right things.  She wants to go to community college.  Mom wants to know FOR WHAT?   Then she makes some condescending comment in her interview about how Ashley doesn’t have it all figured out.   What is wrong with this woman?  NO 18 year old has it figured out.  You tell them to go to college and get general credits while they are working on figuring it out.  I wonder if Jacqueline has a degree?

Now we are treated to a ridiculous and unnecessary strip club scene.  Supposedly Christopher is doing “research” to determine if he wants to own a strip club.    Chris is ogling the nekkid wimmins while his voice over is telling us that he has his mind on more important things.  Ok then….

Back at the hospital we are treated to more of Teresa screaming and grunting and seeming surprised that it hurts.  Her fourth child and she is still surprised.  Thankfully we are only tortured with the sound and we don’t have to witness it.

Our first view is Teresa holding the swaddled baby.  The child is minutes old and her mommy asked if she can “put, like, fru fru things on her?”…  She is HARD CORE with this girly stuff.   Hours of labor and  THIS is what is her on her mind?  I give her credit.  After giving birth I just wanted to sleep.

Not my favorite father but he's just so "juicy!' Hey, maybe that's why Teresa keeps getting knocked up. Juicy, more like greasy.

Teresa: What should we name her?

Joe: I don’t care.

That is recorded for history.  Nice work Joe.

Jacqueline and her hubby are having a drink.  She shares her idea about the life coach meeting with Ashley.  He laughs.  He thinks she needs a beating.  Dina pops in to say that she thinks she needs a wooden spoon.  It seems that these kids were all beaten.   A LOT.  It’s all starting to make sense now.

Chris opens his safe to show his wife what he has in there.  GUNS.  She freaks for a half second and then begins playing with them.  I think we hit on a weird side to her personality.

Danielle meets with her friend Kathy.  Yes, she has a friend….or that is what the script says.  We are now told that Christine is going to model in wedding shows.  “Designer gowns” is what Danielle says.   “The pay is good too.”   Great, the modeling career is back on track. Snicker.   (I work in wedding shows.  ALL the gowns are “designer’ and the models get about $50 to $75 per show)   Back to the show:  For some reason we are now being told about a sick baby with cancer.   Kathy says they are having a fundraiser to help with the expenses.   They want Danielle to attend.  I will go out on a ledge and guess that they are going with the Coney Island Freak Show theme for this fundraiser?

The men arrive to tell Danielle about the fundraiser.  She starts the conversation by saying “Tell me what happened and then I want to hear how this came to be.”    Yes, Danielle demands to know how this child got cancer.   Interesting question.  I will have to remember that next time I hear about someone with a terrible diagnoses:  TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.  How did you get CANCER?  TELL ME!!

The benefit is at the BROWNSTONE.  Seems these two men are the only people on the East coast that don’t know Caroline hates Danielle?   Do they WATCH the show?   Nooo…this couldn’t be a set up situation hoping to create tension and drama and completely scripted by Bravo???….Noooo….this is REALITY Tv.

Dina called a meeting with Caroline and Jacqueline.  This is the first time she has left her house all season?   Caroline tells us that a meeting is serious.    Topic:  DANIELLE!!    Of course.  Dina wants to sit down with Danielle and tell her that she wants nothing to do with her.   Some of us would just stop hanging out but Dina wants a big moment.  Caroline thinks it’s a bad idea.  Jacqueline thinks it’s a bad idea…..while she calls out all Danielle’s alias’…..tension…drama

Chris is going to run a car wash for the day.  He brings in several girls in skimpy clothes.  They begin to wave in cars and…at least for the camera….it’s working.  The owner returns to say that it’s great.  Caroline says no man on the planet thinks it’s a bad idea.   Once more butt close up and thankfully, scene over.

Danielle is visiting two friends.   Danny says they have a kindred spirit.  Maybe it’s because they both have brown hair…and faces that look like they have partied a LOT…..and his hair is bad. They begin bashing the Manzo’s. Danny is going to escort her to the Brownstone.  For some reason she feels better taking this rat with her.  I don’t get it.

Dina visits with Teresa, in her leopard print, and the new baby, in her giant flower hat.  Dina gushes about the baby.   Teresa tells her that she is the Godmother.   They both cry.  It’s very sweet.  You know they are not acting because neither of them CAN act.  It was a touching scene.

We are treated to a rare moment when Caroline’s husband is at home.  He came to tell her that Danielle is coming to a fundraiser at the Brownstone.  Caroline is mad.  She is ready to deal with her.

Bravo has done an excellent job with the set up.  The music gets intense.  Flash to a few scenes from next week.   It gets  weird here.  We KNOW we are being set up…but I still want to know what will happen next week.  And I will tune in.

May 25, 2010 - Posted by | Reality TV

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