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RH of NYC….Kelly implodes

On this episode 5 of the ~real~ housewives head off to St. John …or “St. Johns” to Ramona…to celebrate a bachelorette weekend before Ramona’s vow renewal.

Ramona says that Jill didn’t join them on the weekend because it was not about her.  It couldn’t be because she felt uncomfortable spending a weekend with Bethenny. Right?

The countess is visiting a major record producer to record her single.  He is the real deal and we get to hear the long list of real stars that have paid him to record there.  While Bravo tries to spin it to sound as though she is very talented and that is reason he records her, the smart viewers know that he will record anyone who can pay the bill.  The bill will be high.   He wears his sunglasses the entire time, which makes him look like a dork, and feeds her a load of BS about how wonderful she is.   She is not horribly horrible.  That is the nicest thing I can say.

The ladies land in St. John, minus Jill and Luann,  and Bethenny looks like she is in shock. She just buried her father.  I feel bad for her.  Kelly announced that she doesn’t eat processed foods and says she prefers gummie bears.  Not one to let things like that go by Bethenny points out that gummie bears are hardly natural.  Kelly then says that it’s ok because they are “fun candy.”   Be warned, this is just a taste of the crazy that is to come.

They go to the dock because Bravo has arranged for them to stay on a yacht. Ramona grabbed the master suite because we are all supposed to believe that she is hosting this trip.

We start with Ramona showing off her bathing suits.  She does have a great body and I can’t blame her for being excited to show it off.  Everyone gets into a bathing suit and checks out the deck.   LUNCH TIME but Kelly needs to change and her clothes because she can’t eat in a bikini.  Whatever.    Ramona expresses concern for Bethenny and I like her for that moment.

Ramona wants her Pinot Grigio and Bethenny offers to stomp on the grapes from the fridge.  Hungry Kelly freaks out and says “NO, I am eating those.  You are not going to stomp on them”…B carefully explains humor but I doubt it registered.   Whacky Kelly is back in action..

Ramona begins talking about how Jill sent a text to Ramona telling her about B’s dad passing away.  She feels that Jill wanted to be the one to break the news.  They discuss how Jill kind of freaked out at the party because she did not get the call first.

Kelly now starts on her first strange rant of the day.  She says she doesn’t want to talk bad about people because she is a real person and she is normal.

“We are not normal?’….which is the question I would have asked.  She moves along and says that they are all too concerned with everyone elses moves.  For no reason she suddenly turns on Alex for delivering the message to Jill.  (how long are we gonna talk about this?)

B again patiently addresses her and explains that Alex had been putting up with Jill for 2 years and her packaging might have been a little off.

Kelly responds “It’s not that I don’t get it;  it’s that I don’t CARE.”….yeah…she said that.

B says ‘If you don’t care then don’t respond.”

Kelly then says that they are making lemons into lemonade.  Yeah, she said that too.

B once again explains that this analogy probably doesn’t fit her point.

Kelly then tells them that she will not do this everytime she comments on something because they are making it into something…it’s crazy…it’s gross…it’s disgusting.    Then she adds that she has a lot of respect for people she cares about.  I am guessing she cares about no one at the table.

They explain that they are just expressing their feelings.  Kelly’s eyes roll back into her head “Oh FEEELINGS”…a concept that seems to find ridiculous.  She then says that she is “not that girl.  Not the sorority, bitchy girl”  and she makes what she hopes will be a dramatic exit from the table.    The only problem is that she can’t figure out how to open the glass doors to get inside.  She gives another speech about how she will be in her little world with cart wheels and kindness and they can enjoy their banter and vile behavior.

Damn.  Doors won’t open.  She is stuck there until the nice paid help pushes the button with her finger.  Ramona tries to smooth it over and tells her they will see her in a little while…sweetheart…that had to hurt coming out.  Kelly takes the olive branch and smacks them all with it while she calls them demented and sick.    Kelly might want to pick up Luann’s book.

The girls dish on Kelly for a moment and then she returns with some kind of odd apology.  They give her dessert.  They probably just wanted to keep her mouth busy so she would shut up.

Later that evening Alex joined Bethenny on the deck.  B asks how she is enjoying her first trip away from the hubby and kids.  Alex wants to know how she is doing.  They like each other and you can see it.  I like that.  It’s a lost part of this show.  Genuine affection for each other.  Nice.  B talks about her father’s death and Alex listens sincerely.  Then they shift the conversation to Kelly and lunch.  Alex asks “What was that?” and they dissolve into laughter.  Real laughter.  I like it.  Belly laughs.  Bethenny said she might have gone to Columbia the country because there is no F-ing way that broad went to college.  I have to agree.

No-- this wasn't her date, I just like the picture and the "Project Runway" dude.

Back in NY Luann is on a date with her gay friend.  It’s a rather boring scene really.  I don’t care to watch people ordering in a restaurant.  He is trying to be flirty.  Luann makes it clear in her private interview that she doesn’t want to be serious.   He is acting weird.  The guy gives me the willies.    Suddenly he presents her with a gift.  HIS BOOK.   A product plug !?!  Well that NEVER happens on this show!!

He starts to push her for information on what she is doing.  Then he proceeds to try to flirt in a manner that makes me never want sex again….or at least for a long time.  He has a slimy vibe to him.  He starts kissing Luann and she doesn’t seem to be very into it.  I want to call the police and get a background check on the guy.  Never mind.   Run Luann.  RUN.

In St. John the girls are snorkeling.  Sonja tells us she did not want to ruin her good hair day to snorkel.  Her hair looked like….nevermind.

Dinner on the yacht:  SEATING CHART.   Ramona doesn’t want Kelly and Bethenny fighting.   I give her credit for trying.  Alex gives a toast.  It’s nice.  For a moment.

Bethenny, Kelly, and Sonja are talking.  B opens up about her father and the fact that he seems to have never loved her.   Kelly is hyper defensive about EVERYTHING B says.  Even when she discusses the pain of her father not loving her, Kelly defends the man.  Tells B she needs to accept it for what it is and then tells her that it is not ‘uncommon”…I wonder who she hangs out with?

Ramona pops in very drunk.  She has been on the neighboring yacht which is owned by the owner of Hooters.  She wants everyone to come visit that yacht with her.  Suddenly Sonja yells out to Kelly “When you have sex, do you ever think about women?”….I caught that.  I think she might have been hitting on her.  She then chastises her for not having one night stands.  I am going to guess Sonja missed the news of the aids epidemic?

Sonja is now in her personal interview commenting on how when she is around the conversation always turns to sex.  They think she is Dr. Ruth.  Ummm…Nooo….Sonja dear, YOU bring it up.

Bethenny agrees she has had a one night stand.   That is enough to start puritanical Kelly onto a speech about how she doesn’t do such things.  She is from the Mid-west.  Sonja doesn’t believe Kelly.  She laments that no one wants to die without a one-night stand.  Wow.    Is that really an important aspect to life?

Sonja is feeling like she needs compliments.  Bethenny plays along and gives her compliments and a hug.  I think I like the non-drinking B.

Suddenly Kelly starts on a new rant.  Why do people need titles: “Victim.  Survivor.?  Why can’t they enjoy the life that that they are living now?”

Sonja says “You’re not judgmental?”…which was an excellent reply.   Kelly assures her that she is not.  Sonja says that Kelly gets upset when people feel emotions.

Kelly then says…and I have to quote this “To be honest with you this whole feelings thing..it’s like 1979.”   She goes on to say that life is too short for pesky things like feelings and emotions.

Sonja is quickly learning to play along and I am starting to like her.  She says what she likes about Bethenny is that she is a survivor and doesn’t play the victim.  Kelly then says she is wrong and that Bethenny plays the victim a lot.   She then launches into a full blown attack on Bethenny.

“Bethenny tries to make people feel bad so that she can feel better about herself”

Bethenny begins to question her and Kelly brings up their argument from last season.  Bethenny tells her to let it go.  She accuses B of putting her and her kids in the press and when B denies it she says  “No one cares about you Bethenny.  No one cares.”

Kelly follows with a list of what she thinks about Bethanny: vindictive, malicious, cunning and deceitful.  Oh, and it’s creepy.  OUCH.  I am guessing that Kelly never read any articles on how to comfort grieving people?  Just a guess.   She also doesn’t seem to realize that when you enter your kids onto a reality TV show YOU are the one that put them in the press.

Oh, but she is not done.  She is now on her feet to say ‘You are not a chef but a COOK and it’s creepy.”   I wonder what is creepy about being a cook?  B corrects her and says that she went to culinary school.  Then Kelly tells her that no one asks her because nobody cares.    Kelly’s social skills are off the charts.   Bethanny actually kept her cool here and I give her a lot of credit for that.

Kelly tells us that she would like to look at Bethanny’s resume’  so she can see what she has actually done.  I wonder if Kelly has a resume?

Bethanny tells her that she speaks and she doesn’t know what she is talking about and then says “you are the most unintelligent person she has ever had the pleasure to be around. The worst vocabulary….” she is cut off by Kelly announcing that this is the world according to Bethenny.

She is glad she is not a ho-bag like Bethenny.  That made Bethanny laugh and I was glad to see that.

Bethanny decided to go over to the Hooters boat.  Good call.

Ramona is over there kissing on the owner of Hooters.  She started talking about her hubby and how much she loves him.  That is nice.   Bethanny is on the scene and tries to express what just happened.  I don’t know how she could explain it because even after watching it twice it is hard to understand.

Sonja comes to tell the group that Kelly is like a dog with a bone and has no basis for her argument.   Kelly announces that Bethenny has issues.  Ramona loudly announces that she is not going to let this go on.  She is in Kelly’s face and tells her to STOP.

Ramona, Alex, and Bethenny all go out dancing.   Sonja and Kelly go back to the boat.  I got a strong impression that Sonja was hitting on Kelly.  I got that vibe several times.  I could be wrong.  I don’t care either way, just a noticed it.

Next week we will see how this trip possibly could get worse.  It looks like it does.

===============================================

From Life&Style,  Oct. 7, 2009

As Life & Style first reported, Sonja Morgan is joining The Real Housewives of New York City. The 45-year-old socialite and movie producer, who’s married to John Morgan, the great-grandson of J.P. Morgan, should provide plenty of drama: She recently lost a major legal battle with Hannibal Pictures over a movie in which John Travolta had been tapped to star. “She just lost a breach of contract case with a judgment against her for $7,066,294,” says an insider. “I am appealing,” Sonja tells Life & Style. “I hope the truth will be told.”

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May 14, 2010 - Posted by | Housewives, Reality TV | ,

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