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RHWOC Season 5: Reunion Part 1

Tamra not happy. Andy tells Gretchen she’s “understated.”

Vicki yelling, yelling, yelling, which is why I didn’t watch most of this season. Every time I heard that obnoxious yell I would turn off the show. Andy says, “you are a screamer” she says, “we own it, we’re a screaming family” Good for you. I bet the BRAVO sound guys just love you, Vicki. I know I turned the channel many times during your “screaming” so keep it up . . . you’re the most disliked of the housewives so your “screaming” is working just fine.

Stormy, turbulent ride that was Tamra and Simon’s relationship. Scenes of her being so over dramatic and him being passive-aggressive. He’s controlling or protective? Now she doesn’t like it. They have 3 kids but he doesn’t like how she acts. No couple should do this on tv. It’s personal. NOT entertainment watching a marriage fall apart. I guess BRAVO learned this from TLC. I don’t like watching marriages being destroyed. To me, watching it is participating and I don’t like how “icky” it makes me feel. Seeing them talk to each other so viciously makes me sad for them and for their kids that will someday see the DVDs.

Tamra says it was worse than we saw and “he just wouldn’t stop.” She acts as if “he’d get real mad at me.” Andy asked if the show changed her. — Oh no, It’s just growing. Not the show. Nope, not at all. —

She’s so afraid of “making him mad.”

Now Alexis’s marriage is being compared. Of course, she knows that they are different. Simon was blaming Vicki. Vicki is blameless. Tamra is being Tamra. Oh, now Tamra says Simon changed 5 years ago. Hummmm?? Season 5. She’s saying that 5 years ago she “knew” it wasn’t going to work so she pulled back. Oh, but got pregnant and had to make it work. Whatever. She’s playing pity party big time and I’m not falling for it.

Now she’s acting all happy and free. Vicki says, “Tamra is in a better place . . . someone was telling her she was wrong in everything she did. . . . . bla bl a bla” Vicki, shut the fuck up

Tamra starts crying when she talks about he kids. She’s putting them in therapy next week. Doesn’t this type of stuff always start next week? Yes, all reality TV kids need therapy. Simon charging Tamra with infidelity. She says, no way . .She “talked with an old boyfriend . . .” — haven’t we all.

Gretchen thinks it’s a publicity stunt and that Tamra shouldn’t be “all over the media” talking about it. She said she did the “2 page magazine spread” to get her side out. Set the record straight. She claims she never trashed Simon, except for 5 minutes ago when she was so afraid of “getting him mad.”

Gretchen is right, if you want to keep it private, keep it private.

Q to Gretchen: Tamra is being accused of infidelity, does the phrase ‘Karma is a bitch’ come to mind?

Gretchen’s answer was wishy-washy but basically, yeah, it IS Karma!

Q for Tamra: Do you want a millionaire Prince Charming (like Laurie)? Ummm… stupid question. Who doesn’t? I know straight men who would probably switch teams for the right millionaire Prince Charming. But of course the media whore said she just needs to be happy. Wealth in happiness. Yeah whatever.

Montage of exercising, sweating, obsessing about food, work out more, Lynn needs work out anon. Alexis needs hair and tanning maintenance. Then there is the botox and the spray tans. “My face has fallen and it can’t get up” so Lynn gets plastic surgery, as well as her daughter. So what if they can’t afford where they live!! Oh, but she looks great!

Q to Lynn: Why not tighten the belt instead of face? Yeah, it was a business decision. She’ll try to write it off to her jewelry business. She just said that on National TV, good luck with that write-0ff, Lynn.

Andy asked about finances. She says it changes daily. She acted as if she never knew it was coming or else she never would have had the plastic surgery and spent the money. I wonder how much was paid by Bravo or was traded for free advertising? Either way, Bravo edited this show to portray Lynn as shallow and materialistic (not that she isn’t) but I don’t necessarily believe she spent family money on the face lift. Her husband was too calm and self-blaming. Once again, I don’t like to see into other people’s marriages. It makes me feel like a peeping tom.

Alexis asked about the work she’s had done. Breasts, veneers, nose soon, botox, fillers, lips . . .

Lynn looks scary. Her jaw is very big and looks stiff.

Andy asked if “G-d believes in Plastic surgery?” I love that question because I believe that some plastic surgeries, for instance, cleft lips and palates, are needed for functional purposes, not for cosmetic reasons. I, personally, see nothing wrong with plastic surgery but I can understand how some might think it’s against G-d’s wishes to change what He created.

In Judaism, piercings and tattoos are considered to be “marring the body that G-d gave you” and people with tattoos cannot be buried in Jewish cemeteries because of this reason (except for concentration camp tattoos).

Alexis, The Holy Housewife, “God doesn’t want you to be unhappy, as long as you’re not obsessed with it.” Andy pushes her, “you’re messing with with g-d gave you?”

She didn’t have an answer. Then he asked, “What do the people at your church think?”

“oh, they say . . .what are you thinking? We pray for you. They feel bad for how I get beat up on the show.

“It’s elective,” Says Vicki. Tamra rolls eyes. “laying it on thick . . . contradiction.” Vicki hates Alexis and is trying to start a fight.

Is Alexis a loving wife or a loyal subject? She thinks her life is a fairytale. 7 Kt diamonds. Isn’t hat the only thing a woman needs? Her goal is to be the best wife she could be. Treat him like a KING. Never changed a diaper. He’d take the kid home. Tells her to not talk so loud. Would never let her go away by herself. Vicki called him a “smelly dork.”

Vicki denies saying that about a person. Must have been talking about her feet.

My opinion about Alexis and her husband? If they are happy, who cares? Maybe she’s really stupid so she likes being controlled? Maybe she actually controls him but for TV purposes let’s it look like he ‘wears the pants?’ Vicki wants to criticize because it’s a different dynamic than her marriage. SO WHAT?

Q for Alexis: Is Jim controlling? “If he was, we wouldn’t be married. He’s funny . . . we banter . . . it’s okay . . .”

Andy then went off on a little devil tangent. He mentioned that Tamra told Alexis that “The devil would love to hump 700 cc’s.” Alexis said Tamra has “Diarrhea of the mouth.”

Andy, “The devil loves to hump. He’s the devil. That’s what he does!!” Goofy Andy smile/glare/creepyface.

Lynn says Frank won’t ever cheat because he’s a germaphobe.

More Lynn, claims she’s trying to parent a teen-aged daughter who’s determined to push the boundaries.

All about Alexa. She does whatever she wants. Spoiled brat. Knows she won’t get in trouble and she’ll never gets grounded. Practically dares her parents to set limits but they never do. She drinks in front of them, talks back and does whatever she feels like at the moment. Lynn just gets a dumb look on her face as if she’s clueless that this might be something she should try to control.Gretchen and Lynn yelling and Alexa . . . all tears. Lynn looks odd. Her face looks like it hurts and she looks stoned (imo). Everybody telling her to discipline Alexa. “You can’t beat them anymore, it’s against the law.”

She’s saying there is nothing she can do. Lynn laughs says Alexa is “good” and thinks her kid is playing everybody. She’s “trying” to make Lynn look bad. She’s defensive and says she enforces rules.

Alexis talking on her high horse. Says if her kid ever asked her for a beer she’d put her in the car, drive her home, put her in her room, take away her cell-phone . . . bla bla bla” Lynn says she’ll check back with her when she’s on RRWHO 2020.

Hate to tell you this, Alexis, if your kid wants a beer they will get a beer.

Knows she could get always with it. I”M REALLY STRICT, I am a bitch” Who’s she trying to convince?

Gretchen was showing concern. Ohh, she has a degree in psychology and family development. She heard Alexa say “I’m really depressed, I need to see someone” and she saw that Lynn brushed it off.

Gretchen and Lynn arguing about being the parent of a teenager. Vicki says a degree doesn’t make you an authority”

Gretchen is concerned and she’s hurt that lynn thinks her inentions are off.

Lynn claims she couldn’t do a better job. She’s doing a pretty darn good job!”

Slade, aka Sloppy Thirds.

Andy, smiley. Lets’s talk about Jeff. Been since Sept’ 08 he died. Gretchen recoreded a song for him. Very over produced. Kinda cute I guess but she’s not a singer. She’s smiling, Alexis singing along. Vicki roling her eyes. Tamra says “beautiful.”

Gretchen and SLADE. Many asked, “is she really going outg with HIM”?

Slade Smiley and Gretchen are so hot for each other. He’s there for her 19 percent. It’s sopweird, “opportunist” “Stepped ihn a pile of Slade”

He is a poser. . . . skipped out on child support . . . serial housewife dating . . .

eww watch out, ewww.

Jo, Laurie . . . bfd. He’s dating woman near his home.

Good answer Gretch. No big deal.Gretchen explains that she bought a Catalog of music rights and now Jo’s music is a part of this. They are trying to say bad things about Slade and she’s saying that it was her business deal, not his. They keep saying, “but he introdueced you to the guy.”

Vicki says they were talking about Slade in the Vatican.

Gretchen snapped back that people always ask her “are Vicki and Tamra really that mean.”

Lynn thinks Slade has a strong hold but is turning her against her friends. Vicki agrees. “She’s so much better, he’s an opportunist, bad dad, is he trying to make you a star?” You are a bitch, Vicki.

Don’t make comments about something you don’t know. At the end of the day he’d the guy I’m inlove with . . . .

Andy says, “Nobody likes him. Negative outpouring on BravoTV and elsewhere.” Gretchen doesn’t care. She’s happy. The woman are trying to CONVINCE her that HE HAD SEX WITH OTHER PEOPLE (before he met her and he wasn’t married,). . . . okaay, why is that bad. Because Laurie is a “housewife”??? Gretchen is loving Slade so leave her the fuck alone. Maybe she should start telling all the other “housewives” that their husbands hit on her. Wouldn’t that be a “ratings” grabber?

Next part the men will be on. Are they alll going to trash Slade for “screwing 3 housewives too or will they be patting him on the back and calling him “Tiger?”

I’m not a Slade fan but Gretchen is a big girl and BRAVO obviously likes him so what’s the big deal? Only talentless women could be attention whores?

Vicki questions Slade’s issues with child support, “better not to have kids with him, Gretchen.”

Gretchen calmly replies, “Don’t want to get into that . . .Ask him . . . Yes, I want to have 4 kids with him.”

Vicki slamming Slade more. “He loves to be on TV.” Well duh, don’t all of you reality whores love to be on TV? She really doesn’t like the guy. She keeps going on and on on how he’s an opportunist. “Why is he lying? Ask him that.” Gretchen believes him and that as far as she’s concerned, he hasn’t lied about anything.

Slade told Gretchen that he and Laurie never had a date and were never serious.

Vicki says “Haooo hoo, when you’re having sex is it serious?”

Gretchen didn’t seem to care. Having sex doesn’t always mean “serious relationship” – – does it? She tells Vicki to “confront him.” Vicki says, “he’s not worth it.”

Ha ha, you don’t care, stop talking about it.

Gretchen says “YOU STARTED IT. You always talked had to say something negative.”

Omnipresence. That was Vicki’s final word about Slade.

Gretchen, “DON’T TALK ABOUT HIM!!”

“Next subject . . . . ” says Vicki trying to control the situation and pretend she’s under control . . . scenes from next week show her walking out. Poor Vicki.

Part 2 tomorrow with the men and Jeanna

Quote from Vicki “I’m not a beater upper . . . .”


Reunion Spoof


March 11, 2010 - Posted by | Couples, Gossip, Greed, Housewives, Reality TV |

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